All I have to say today is that time does not heal.  Stop telling people this.  The pain may soften some, but it never goes away.  I will not magically be the same person I was before great loss came to me.  I will not get over it.  Don't ask me to.  Getting over it means forgetting.  I can't forget.  I will not forget.  Every day brings the bitter sweet.  Sweet and yet sad that someone will always be missing.  Always gone.  Time is just... time.  Time is cruel.
4/8/2012 01:11:55 pm

Hi Joy--I found your husband's blog through our church, Southwest, in Omaha, NE. I have prayed for your family on a regular basis since Maggie was born, and will continue to do so. I just read your entry--you are absolutely correct--time does not heal all. While I have never lost a child, my sister died when I was 24 and she was 20. I am now 48. I still miss her nearly as much as I did then. What has helped me is to think frequently of all the things I want to tell her when we see each other again in heaven someday. I think the majority of the people who say/think that time heals all have never had a tragic loss in their life. I will continue to pray for you and your family!

4/13/2012 12:04:42 pm

I don't know what you think of Dr. Phil--I'm not even sure what I think of him--but I heard him say once, "Time doesn't heal a darn thing." And to quote another celebrity, Willie Nelson lost his son at some point (early twenties, I think), and when Billy Joe Shaver's son committed suicide, Willie told him, "You won't get over it, but you will get through it." So maybe that's how you can think of it. Time's not going to heal it, you will never forget, you will never get over it, but one day, at some point, you'll realize that you're on the other side of it. You'll still cry at times and you'll talk about Maggie and she'll always be a part of you and your life, but it won't always feel like it does now. Eventually, you'll be a different person not only because of Maggie's effect on your life but also because of your coming child's effect and that of any other children you have, as well as your general growth and maturing. I hope you'll continue to feel everything as intensely as you are for as long as you can or need to, but keep in mind that it won't always be so intense. And that's okay.

6/8/2012 10:35:24 am

Good for you! To say the truth. Never accept anything from someone telling you how to grieve. Your grief is your own and only you and the Holy Spirit can walk that road.


Leave a Reply.