It's been a crazy spring.  We planted two raised garden beds a couple of days after Maggie's birthday and we are already starting to enjoy the fresh tastes of home grown veggies.  Mmmm.  A year marking Maggie's death and burial have both passed now.  One of those days I worked, which kept me distracted.  We visited her grave and cried a lot that night.  Memorial Day marked a year that we buried her.  We spent the morning cutting off little plastic tags of clothes and organizing our nursery.  We laughed. It was a  very pleasant morning reminiscing and moving forward all in one.  We miss her.  Our thoughts more often have moved from the unfairness, anger and disbelief to wonder, and aw, and joy of our time with her.  Still, I find myself on the way to church or thinking of the kindness and support we've had from different groups and I'll tear up missing her again.  But thank goodness for that.  
Maggie has taught me a lot of things this last year.  First of all, God is good.  Hard to believe in rough times but I know it to be truth.  He is faithful in mysterious ways for sure.  I learned how to pray more sincerely, specifically, and with hope.  All my prayers are answered faithfully under God's will and timing.  Life is not about me.  It is not about being happy on earth.  I can live and move forward only because my hope is not in earthly pleasure and joys but that one day I will live with Christ and never cry sad tears again!  Hallelujah!  I have also learned that relationships on earth are important.  This is something I did not value before like I do today.  Investing in each others lives is how we can support, love and care for each other.  This I/we lacked before.  We have committed to relationships now, building friendships that will hold fast when tragedy strikes any one of us.  I will better know the needs of my community and they will better know mine.   I have learned how to better server and show compassion on others.  I understand hurt.  Thank you Maggie for these lessons.  You have made me a better wife, friend, and Christian.

Well, today I am passed the 38 week mark in my subsequent pregnancy.  Just a note, I dont' like the term subsequent at all.  I hate that I just used the word!  Anyway, I am hopeful and yet, still fearful.  It is frustrating to make it this far with a healthy full term baby inside, and not be holding her!  I can't believe I've held out this long without begging my doctor to start induction.  That may still happen but I honestly didn't think  I would make it this far.  I need to have a live baby.  Time is cruel. 

We are ready though!  My nursery is organized, pretty, calm, waiting.   We are excited!  Movements in the belly are magical everytime.  Maggie didn't move like this child.  I cherish every roll, pointy elbow and hiccup.  It has been such a joy to fold tiny little socks together and place sweet little dresses on miniature hangers.  We are ready.  And thanks to my co-workers every closet in the house is stacked with diapers!!!  What a help and a blessing.  This child is loved already, just like Maggie was, even though most of you never met her.  I hope you all get to meet this new precious little girl.  And may our same prayer still be answered that this little one's life will glorify God no matter the length of time on Earth.  Yes, our hope is in heaven!  Thank you God for this little girl we will meet very soon!  And please give her a cute button nose!

Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts with us. I always look forward to catching up on your blog so I can catch a glimpse of what's going on behind your smile =D


Joy, this post is so beautiful! So glad you wrote it. I sure can't wait to come meet baby girl. And her sweet button nose! Soon!


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